by John Yeo
“I would like to order please Waiter!”
“Yes Sir! What can I get you?”
“Hand me the menu please, Waiter! No! Not the regular menu, I want the special menu please.”
“The special menu, Sir? Are you sure? Have you thought the whole thing through, and received the guidance that is often required before we serve a meal from the special menu!”
“Waiter! Please don’t question my request. You are here to do a job, not to ask impertinent questions. Hand me the special menu. Please.”
“Sorry Sir, I usually get a warning when someone is here to order from our special menu. I suppose management have overlooked that on this occasion.”
“Waiter! I am not concerned with the subtle nuances of the behind-the-scenes management of your establishment. Hand me the special menu and I will place my order!”
“Sorry Sir! It is essential that we receive payment in advance of the special meal, due to the circumstances and the difficulty involved in collecting payment. Shall I call the Manager, Sir?”
“Look here Waiter! Are you insinuating that I am unable to pay the bill, I have never heard of money-up-front in a restaurant before. There is more than enough cash in this envelope here! Take it! I don’t need your Manager, I need food man! I need food quickly to speed the cessation of my hunger pains, with a quick release, by the gestation of the required special meal.”
“Yes Sir! Here is the special menu. What can I get for you?”
“Well Waiter, for an appetiser, I would like raw shredded Scorpions tails with a dash of sauce to ease the passage through the digestive system.
Then for a starter I would like raw Rattlesnake fangs, served on a bed of salad garnished with very hot chilli peppers.
Next a dish of fiery Tarantula soup with the fly-filled web containing an essence of deadly nightshade.
Now, should it be required, for the very important main course. I would like. A lightly seasoned, raw whole Pufferfish served with fried toadstools and the stinging glands of a Portuguese man-of-war Jellyfish.”
“Yes Sir! Would you like your meal to be served in the Chapel-Of-Rest, or on the terrace at the portals of Hells Kitchen?”
“Waiter! I don’t have any preference whatsoever. A private room will be fine. Call the wine-waiter please!”
Copyright (c) Written by John Yeo ~ All rights reserved.
Image(c) John and Margaret